It's been a while..........

It's been a while since I have written anything, blogged....or pretty much put out there what's going on with me...


A lot has happened over the past 7 months of my life.  I fell in love.  I moved.  I got engaged.  I got a job.  I got my driver license.  I found out that my dad is a pedophile.  I have found parts of me I didn't know existed...and I figured some things out, that frankly I wished would just go away.  But they make up part of who I am.  So I guess for that I am thankful - it's just hard to deal with.


My life has always been a series of ups and downs.  Ones that were easy to handle and those that literally almost take the life right out of you.  But over the course of the past 7 months, I have been able to come out on top after everything that has been thrown at me.  I have been able to press on.  I'm not sure I would have been able to do that just a year ago.  (A year ago, I was in really bad shape...)  


Anywho.....


I guess I am just looking over the past year, mainly the past 7 months and realizing that even though I feel quite depressed a lot of times - my life is pretty extraordinary!  I have many stories to tell of my journey that I am still embarking on, and I have many people of whom have shared it with me!  And for those people am I most grateful for of all!! They have helped me in ways that no one will ever understand, and they have surpassed the standard definition of a friend!  They are my world, and I would give my life for them!


I know that I have been blessed beyond measure, and I have no way of repaying anything that I have been given, or the love laughter and life that has been shared with me - but believe me if I had a way I would several times over!!! 

After all, I guess without really having said anything I have said a lot.  I just want those people out there that are a part of my life to know that I love them with all my heart and soul!  I want them to know that I am very thankful for the part that they play in my life, and I want them to know that without them - I would not have life!!  Y'all are the most important thing to me, and I will never ever stop loving each and every one of you!! 


Thank  You!
Love always!
Donna Marie 

Grey's Anatomy

when you're scared, and you don't want people to see you at your worst - you think they are going to turn away; you can't.  You can't turn away - because they aren't.  Those people (your friends) aren't going to leave you in the dust - you can depend on them.  They want to be there for you.  They want to feel your pain.  They want to understand what you are going through.  Don't feel like they are going to reject you - They showed up because they accept you.  They meet you where you are.  They don't care about your past or where you've been; what they do care about is where you're going.  They are willing to fight with you - The are willing to help lead you out; are you ready to accept yourself and move through the fear?  They see you for who you are and who you can be.  It's time to look in the mirror for the first time - since you have put your new face on and take on the world one step at a time.

Love Always

Donna Marie Williams

--written October 1, 2009

My Joyful Heart Finally Arrives

For the past week or so....I have been voting for one for the most amazing things I believe ever know to man - The Joyful Heart Foundation in the Pepsi Refresh Project! They have been in 1st place for the past few days and that makes me very excited!! I don't remember the last time I supported something so heavily....Matter of fact I don't think I ever have.... :) Which makes Joyful Heart all the more special!!! I want to make a difference in the lives of others and I believe that this is one way I can do it. :)

&& Being someone who is a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence, and I have seen the effects that these vicious crimes have on others it makes supporting this cause that much more important!!!

Just the other day I witnessed someone being affected by domestic violence...and it broke my heart!!! It took me back to when I was a kid and seeing my mom and my dad fight......but anyways..

You know when I stop and think about it I have been a victim/survivor of all three things because even though I wasn't physically abused as a kid I was verbally abused everyday that I lived with my daddy - And for the first time in 7 years, I no longer feel like the "problem child" & I am no longer the one they constantly fuss about and argue with and yell at. I am the person they talk to about all the drama in the house. I can actually sit down and have a civilized conversation with my step mom about how her day was without being called a F***ing LIAR and that I will never be anything more. I can sit down and play a game with my daddy and laugh with him instead of him rasing his voice at me or making him so mad that he wants to hit me(not that he ever did hit me- but i did make him so mad once that it took everything within him to not hit me...)

It took us 4 years but we have finally gotten to this point and it feels so good. I was very afraid at one point that I was going to be angry with my daddy forever and he wasn't going to be there to walk me down the isle....(because he missed my graduation...) But now we have a relationship again and once that day comes I know he will be there. :)

Thinking about all of this really makes my heart SMILE :) - with and abundance of JOY!!! Though I have a lot of times when I struggle because the past can taunt me - I have a JOYFUL HEART! And I owe it all to God and the Joyful Heart Foundation(though I have never been to a retreat or been reached out to by the organization) they have helped me know that there IS a brighter tomorrow! Thank you God & Mariska Hargitay & All those at Joyful Heart!!!

-even though I havent told the whole story, I have told the present day piece, which matters a WHOLE lot!!! I really hope that this reaches and touches someone & gives them a Joyful Heart!!

:) Love Always

Donna Marie Williams

LETS SHOW OUR

FEARLESSNESS

AND

GO VOTE JOY!!!!!!

www.refresheverything.com/votejoy

Joyful Heart Foundation

So the Joyful Heart Foundation also know as-- JHF was founded by one of my heros....MARISKA HARGITAY!!! and she is like aaahhhhmazing!!! though you may know her better as Detective Olive Benson on Law & Order SVU (which you can tune into on Wednesday nights at 9 pm).....anyways...they have submitted an idea through the Pepsi Refresh campaign and are in the running for a $250000 grant!!! WOW!! thats a lot of money...

well anyways...

they have proposed the idea that if they win the $250000!!! then they will put the money towards....three new issuses of reunion....and all the jazz that goes with it also to help them to offer concrete self help so that survivors of sexual assault domestic violence and child abuse can heal their mind body and spirit....

WOULDNT THAT BE GREAT!!!!!?????

it would also help to provide a new sense of hope and possibility to those who are survivors...

to promote 3 ways that mirror their mission which is to heal educate and empower!!!

DOESNT THAT SOUND AWESOME!!!!!??????

it would also go toward helping create a community that would help end the cycle of violence...

WOAH! ENDING VIOLENCE....IN THE WORDS OF RODNEY KING "CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

and something else that it would help with is....

providing a life life for those people who are victims of these terrible things that have been thrown at them...

so.......JHF has already been doing its part by putting themselves out there....

Can we put ourselves out there and help them win this $250000 grant!!!!!!???????

i think we can...better yet i know we can!!!

so lets SHOW OUR FEARLESSNESS & go to www.refresheverthing.com/votejoy and vote!!!!

when it asks you to sign in just click connect with facebook on the top left hand corner!!

please and thank you!!

oh and dont forget to tell you friends!

Take A Stand!

Why do we fight for a life that isn't ours to begin with? Every moment that is generously given to us we take it and use it to try to prove to somebody that we are worth it...when what we should be doing is proving to somebody that He is worth it. Yeah we are worth something, but not everyone knows it. We fight day and night for: money, sex, clothes, shoes, our next beer, our next hit, friends, approval etc....when what we should be doing is fight for the one who still to this day fights for us. The blood that spilled for his hands and feet has seeped into the depths of the earth and to some He is the most popular being that ever walked the face of this earth. But why isn't He the most popular among all????....it's because we stand for nothing. All of our values have withered away and we are slowly falling apart. Now is the time for us to join hands and fight for our TRUE LOVE. Will you take a stand and fight for the Almighty?

By - Donna Marie Williams

written on October 20, 2009

Crush

i have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

the birds have made their nest and sing night and day

while the devil comes and goes as he pleases trying to make the day hell

the birds bring food of comfort and joy

while the devil brings hatred and darkness

to the morning skies

during the moments that the birds sing

my heard attempts to join in with them

soon to be drowned out by the devil that

sits on my shoulder determined to make

sure there is no happiness in the day

the devil seems to thing that just because

he keeps coming back that my heart will

join in with the chorus that his demons sing...

but what he doesn't know is that though the

song of the birds may be weak at times and

able to be drowned out by the chorus of the demons

the demons will get tired and soon they will

find themselves succumbed to vulnerability

and as that happens that song of the birds

will grow louder and stronger and the birds

will multiply in number

bringing happiness and joy to the rest of days

crushing any chance the devil on my

shoulder had to drown out the comfort

of joy that the birds bring each moment of everyday

i have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

the devil continues to come and go as he

pleases pondering any way to over rule the

birds' song and fill the day with sorrow

soon the devil on my shoulder will give in

and join the birds in song and find joy

in his heart and will no longer desire to

ruin the day with hatred, sorrow, and darkness

but until then

I have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

By - Donna Marie Williams

written 09/20/09

A Story (the ending) Of Those Who Shall Not Be Named

I used to wake up happy and gay

Now I wake up with sorrow and pain

You used to be my world, you made everything better

Now you are gone with no way to remember

what was done in the past

or if things would have been given the chance to last

We say that it's over

but that term isn't really clear

It's like looking in the mirror and seeing only fear

The fear of starting over the fear of being alone

The fear of knowing that I am now on my own

Will we ever see each other again?

Will we ever feel what we felt again?

Who knows?

Now is the time for each one of us to grow

Will we grow apart of will we grow together?

There's no telling, you know they say "Birds of a feather flock together."

Will there come a time when we forget about what happened between us?

More than likely because that is the human nature instilled in us

We will go on with our lives

And we will live everyday full of jive

There may come a place in time when we may

meet face to face in the check out line

But at that moment in time we will just have to wave and be on our merry little way

without anything to say

That way we don't find ourselves enjoying a blast from the past

then not long after that finding ourselves kicked to the curb on our ass

So now that we have this time to reminisce

let's take in all this happiness and bliss

and be thankful for the time that we have had

and enjoy every bit of it

Because we know things will end soon and it will be sad

And there is no way of escaping it

Therefore we shall soon understand what it

means for us to be over

And maybe just maybe we will receive the luck from a four leaf clover

And be forgiven 70 x's 7 over and over

That way we will be able to live guilt free for all the pain and agony

And live to rejoice in love, peace, and harmony.

By - Donna Marie Williams

written 11/11/08