Take A Stand!

Why do we fight for a life that isn't ours to begin with? Every moment that is generously given to us we take it and use it to try to prove to somebody that we are worth it...when what we should be doing is proving to somebody that He is worth it. Yeah we are worth something, but not everyone knows it. We fight day and night for: money, sex, clothes, shoes, our next beer, our next hit, friends, approval etc....when what we should be doing is fight for the one who still to this day fights for us. The blood that spilled for his hands and feet has seeped into the depths of the earth and to some He is the most popular being that ever walked the face of this earth. But why isn't He the most popular among all????....it's because we stand for nothing. All of our values have withered away and we are slowly falling apart. Now is the time for us to join hands and fight for our TRUE LOVE. Will you take a stand and fight for the Almighty?

By - Donna Marie Williams

written on October 20, 2009

Crush

i have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

the birds have made their nest and sing night and day

while the devil comes and goes as he pleases trying to make the day hell

the birds bring food of comfort and joy

while the devil brings hatred and darkness

to the morning skies

during the moments that the birds sing

my heard attempts to join in with them

soon to be drowned out by the devil that

sits on my shoulder determined to make

sure there is no happiness in the day

the devil seems to thing that just because

he keeps coming back that my heart will

join in with the chorus that his demons sing...

but what he doesn't know is that though the

song of the birds may be weak at times and

able to be drowned out by the chorus of the demons

the demons will get tired and soon they will

find themselves succumbed to vulnerability

and as that happens that song of the birds

will grow louder and stronger and the birds

will multiply in number

bringing happiness and joy to the rest of days

crushing any chance the devil on my

shoulder had to drown out the comfort

of joy that the birds bring each moment of everyday

i have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

the devil continues to come and go as he

pleases pondering any way to over rule the

birds' song and fill the day with sorrow

soon the devil on my shoulder will give in

and join the birds in song and find joy

in his heart and will no longer desire to

ruin the day with hatred, sorrow, and darkness

but until then

I have birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

By - Donna Marie Williams

written 09/20/09

A Story (the ending) Of Those Who Shall Not Be Named

I used to wake up happy and gay

Now I wake up with sorrow and pain

You used to be my world, you made everything better

Now you are gone with no way to remember

what was done in the past

or if things would have been given the chance to last

We say that it's over

but that term isn't really clear

It's like looking in the mirror and seeing only fear

The fear of starting over the fear of being alone

The fear of knowing that I am now on my own

Will we ever see each other again?

Will we ever feel what we felt again?

Who knows?

Now is the time for each one of us to grow

Will we grow apart of will we grow together?

There's no telling, you know they say "Birds of a feather flock together."

Will there come a time when we forget about what happened between us?

More than likely because that is the human nature instilled in us

We will go on with our lives

And we will live everyday full of jive

There may come a place in time when we may

meet face to face in the check out line

But at that moment in time we will just have to wave and be on our merry little way

without anything to say

That way we don't find ourselves enjoying a blast from the past

then not long after that finding ourselves kicked to the curb on our ass

So now that we have this time to reminisce

let's take in all this happiness and bliss

and be thankful for the time that we have had

and enjoy every bit of it

Because we know things will end soon and it will be sad

And there is no way of escaping it

Therefore we shall soon understand what it

means for us to be over

And maybe just maybe we will receive the luck from a four leaf clover

And be forgiven 70 x's 7 over and over

That way we will be able to live guilt free for all the pain and agony

And live to rejoice in love, peace, and harmony.

By - Donna Marie Williams

written 11/11/08

Was it Wrong?

When I woke up today

you were the first thing on my mind

wishing like heck, that I could turn back

the hands of time

Back to where I'd wake up with you

holding me

'Cause that's the way it is supposed to be

I swear I don't know how I'll go on

wondering everyday what I did wrong

You said that you needed me that I

was the one

Now look at all the damage that has

been done

Was that a lie or some messed up

vision

My heart is in a place of anger and pain

I sit here wondering will it ever be the

same

For I loved you freely without a doubt

You pushed me away you pushed me out

Will we ever end up where we belong

I refuse to believe that it was all a lie

that it was all wrong...

By - Donna Marie Williams

written on 01/26/08

Why are we here?

Why are we here?

Your Word tell us that we have a purpose

But why doesn't it tell us what it is?

We want to do your Will

We want to worship you the best way we know how...

We are trying hard & yet

We don't know what for

We don't know what we are supposed to be doing

Lord God....Please

reveal yourself to us...

Please whisper in out hearts or ears

what our purpose is...

Help us out

Father God we want more

of you that way you can

steer us in the right direction

God, we want you to wrap us in

your arms to embrace us & never let go

Place us in your lap & let us

help you reach the world

We want to sit & talk with you

to rock with you...We want to

know our purpose & if we are

with you then you will be able

to push us to where you

want us

Father we want to be like you

we want you to be close to us....

Father God - All we want is You & Only You!

If we have you then we won't need anything else &

we can then know what our purpose is & then we can use that to fulfill

your Will & worship you even better

than the only way we know how

& we can also work to our

fullest potential & it will all be

for You -

JESUS WE LOVE YOU!

By - Donna Marie Williams

written in 2007

Almost Forgiven

I don't want you to think less of me

I don't want you to not forgive me of my past

& I don't want to lose you

But if you can't for one minute think that I'm not going to screw up again

You know that you're wrong

I tried & you wouldn't let me make it up to you

& you wouldn't trust me

I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen to me

I wanted to make things right

But that wasn't good enough for you

You wanted me to relive all the pain

& put me through more than what the actual events caused

I wanted to forgive, I tried & did at one point

& then you had to go and do it again

What's the point in saying that you are going to do one thing

& then not do it

but end up doing the exact opposite

That's when it gets really hard to say

I forgive you...

I am supposed to love you

Not only because of who you are

But because God tells me that I have to

I want to have a good relationship with you like so many others that I know

I wish that I could have you back, but someone else has a hold of you

& now fills that place where I once stood

& no matter how hard I try I will never have your approval

& the love that I am supposed to have from you

& in case you didn't catch the drift...

Daddy I'm talking about you

By - Donna Marie Williams

written in 2007

What WAS, What IS, & What IS TO COME!

Wanting to die is one thing, but knowing your're going to die is another...

Having a heart big enough to love everyone and big enough for every burden to be carried is something else...

To know that even before the creation of the earth that your one and only child will eventually go and die for every other person that you created is unimaginable...

Seeming as if you are coming across harsh but doing it for His own good was the hardest thing that could be done...

And yet the earth was formed

man was created

sin was developed

Jesus came,

died,

and rose again and is coming back just for you and me!!!

Even if I were the only person on Earth I know that He still would have

come,

died,

and rose again...

So if you ever think that no one cares, loves, or has done anything for you, just remember what Jesus did as Calvary on the cross for you and that you are very special....

:] By - Donna Marie Williams

written in 2007

Rescue

Since I have been here in Tennessee things have been ok. I tell most people that things are good, but they arent that great. It is really hard being here. My aunt is so much like my mother it is ridiculous, and neither one of the will acknowledge it. They practically hate each other...which rather sucks. Though they are a lot a like, they are very different as well....my aunt can be quite vicious sometimes....for instance.....tonight....her and my cousin got into a huge argument over not taking dishes into the bedrooms....she was telling him not to, and he was refusing to listen...so I take her side....he is being the 15 year old that he is, and being imature...then they start cussing each other...I still taker her side....and once he called her a Bitch....I was really on her side....but then I put myself in his shoes for just a split second....and once she said you want Bitch I will show you Bitch....then I felt really sorry for him...because I knew exatly how he was beginning to feel, and probably how he has felt before....

It really boggled my mind for a moment during all the drama...I felt like I was having a flashback of some kind...it was really wierd....my other cousin came on the scene and started taking up for her brother, and yelling at her mom to chill out....it was a nightmare....

I was really scared of what was about to happen.....I felt like I was a kid again....being scared of what was going to happen next, and listening to the arguments, and being the middle man....it was pure turmoil....how could this happen...how could God send me somewhere that was just going to put me where I just came from.....

My youngest cousin, she is 13...and is one of the coolest kids that you will ever meet...but her parents dont know her...they think they do like most parents think that they know their kids, but they dont know her or her brother....I know them better than they do and I have only been here for 3 weeks.... I am beginning to see a problem with this...arent you....???? Erin she is an agnostic....and I am cool with that...we spent a lot of time talking about that tonight...along with all of her and my emotional issues. If it werent for them, I think that I would have packed my things and said the hell with this I am going home...because I didnt come all the way to Tennessee just to deal with another family that is hanging on by a thread.... Michael on the other hand just got saved this summer...but hasnt grown really....

I guess that God brought me here to help these kids see the brighter side of things, since I have been through this already and I have been able to escape...I dont know...all I do know is that I really need for him to rescue me from this....I dont know if I will be able to live through another nightmare....that people tend to call life...my body and emotions cant take much more...I think that I am literally hanging on by a thread here...God I need you to come to my rescue because I have no where else to turn....

I believe that I am beginning to become quite confused....yet again....

hhmmmm its nothing new at this point....

<3

Homesick

There have been times when I thought that I was homesick, but never have I felt like I have been feeling over the past few days. You know the words to the song Homesick by Mercy Me say it all. Though in their song they are talking about being homesick from Heaven. I guess I could say that I am a bit homesick from there as well because I long for the day that I can spend eternity with my Savior....But as far as an earthly homesick...my life is miserable. I never thought I would miss my home as much as what I do. I realized a few days ago the reason for it is....that I am no longer running away from things. I came to Tennessee to start a new life and I came with blessings from the most important people in my family!!! My mother, my second mother, my daddy, goober, and God. God was the first one to know because he was the one who said to come. Since I have completely surrendered to him things have been different(but in a good way).....
I just really miss home. For the first time in my life I had friends my age, and I had completely moved away from doing things for attention. And then I just up and move. Sometimes I question myself, but then I have to stop and remind myself that I am not only questioning myself but I am questioning God. Because he is the one who sent me here. I know that I have no reason to doubt him, or myself for that matter. It is just so hard being here knowing that I cant look forward to seeing any of my family or friends anytime soon. I really miss church and everyone there....
But on the brighter side of things, I am going to church this Sunday, and I am super stoked. Hopefully I can find a temporary home church until I go back home. I am also working on getting my license!!!! So once I do that, then hopefully I can drive home.... :) My only issue with that would be driving over a mountain....but with a lot of prayer and major faith, I believe that I can do it.....
Well I am going to go for now, but I will be back and hopefully next time I wont be as homesick....

<3

New Life and Natural Beauty

Well it has been a while since i have written a blog...a lot has happened since my last....I am now in a new residence, and starting a new life. I was talking with a friend just the other day and i was explaining the meaning behind one of my tattoos. I have a butterfly on my back, and for me it symbolizes "New Life and Natural Beauty." That phrase means a lot to me because i have new life through Christ, and He created me with natural beauty. This new chapter of my life that i am starting is where i am going to truly find myself within in Christ, and the new life that He has planned for me. I have come a long way since March, and I believe that I am a completely different person. Though I have been saved for a while now, God really showed Himself to me over these past few months. It is true that if you seek Him He will show himself to you. I had some help, but because I sought him out, I am at peace with this new adventure that I am just now stepping into. I believe that God is going to do an awesome work in my life within the next few years. I believe that if He were finished with me He would have taken me out a long time ago, but for whatever reason unknown to me i am still here and kicking. I pray that you will stay with me on this soon to be relevant journey.

the not so confused anymore :D

Last night

Last night, I'm laying in my bed asleep, and I'm awakened by a text message. It was my youth leader from church saying to go to the chapel to worship with him. I was a bit confused, because I didn't realize that he was on campus. So I went to the chapel for Praise & Worship. After Praise & Worship I called my friend Renee. When I finally got her on the phone she says that I have to come to Brandon's house because Logan wanted to see me. So I walked down to his house. When I got there Logan was laid out in the floor. I knew from that moment that I was in store for an interesting night. All I wanted to do was do my homework and go to bed, but it didn't work out that way. I was at Brandon's house until 11, then we leave in a frenzy because Logan's boyfriend came over, and she didn't want him there. So once we get to where we could get her out of the house we did. We did something that we should not have done, but it was the only option that we had. We came back to the dorms. When we got back, the RA knew that something was up but pretty much just ignored us, which was a good thing because Logan could have been wrote up, and we did want that to happen. Well, before we left, Logan and Renee were fussing and Logan was telling Renee that she needed to quit letting people walk all over her. Which she is right, but poor Renee. She was all to pieces. I didn't know what to do for her, except to just be there with her..Well, I end up laying in the bed with Logan, rubbing her head and her back until she finally passed out. And when Renee was ready for bed I did the same thing for her. I love those girls with all my heart....After they were sound asleep, I did my homework, and then just laid in the bed. As I was laying there I was just thinking about so many things...I had so many things that just flooded my mind and my thoughts. I began to think about the many times that my aunt was hospitalized because of a very controlling boyfriend...much like Logan's boyfriend..and it scared me for her, and then I began to think about the things that Renee struggles with that no one knows about...All I could do was cry...Because I love them so much, and it hurts me when people I love hurt. I just laid there in Renee's bed just thinking about the events of the night, and thinking about how things could be so much better for the both of them.

what i would say if i had the balls to say it...

So here I am, and I guess that you could say that I am a bit confused. I want to be the hero and save everyone from everything...but I cant... I am so sick and tired of people thinking that the world revolves around them. You know...I figured that after the 3rd, 4th, and 5th time that you did the same thing over and over, and it didn't turn out the way that you wanted it to...that you would just give up and realize that your children were more important..but obviously not...i think that it is pathetic that you constantly put yourself through all of this bull, and you know that there is something more out there...but no...you had to go and do it again...all i can say that you are probably the most deranged person that I know...gah..I cant believe that i still have anything to say to you...i wish so bad that i could quit and come back to fix everything that you have screwed up...because you are never going to get yourself together and make sure that everything is OK for her...you would rather screw the milk man before you would care about how it affected anyone else...