Rescue

Since I have been here in Tennessee things have been ok. I tell most people that things are good, but they arent that great. It is really hard being here. My aunt is so much like my mother it is ridiculous, and neither one of the will acknowledge it. They practically hate each other...which rather sucks. Though they are a lot a like, they are very different as well....my aunt can be quite vicious sometimes....for instance.....tonight....her and my cousin got into a huge argument over not taking dishes into the bedrooms....she was telling him not to, and he was refusing to listen...so I take her side....he is being the 15 year old that he is, and being imature...then they start cussing each other...I still taker her side....and once he called her a Bitch....I was really on her side....but then I put myself in his shoes for just a split second....and once she said you want Bitch I will show you Bitch....then I felt really sorry for him...because I knew exatly how he was beginning to feel, and probably how he has felt before....

It really boggled my mind for a moment during all the drama...I felt like I was having a flashback of some kind...it was really wierd....my other cousin came on the scene and started taking up for her brother, and yelling at her mom to chill out....it was a nightmare....

I was really scared of what was about to happen.....I felt like I was a kid again....being scared of what was going to happen next, and listening to the arguments, and being the middle man....it was pure turmoil....how could this happen...how could God send me somewhere that was just going to put me where I just came from.....

My youngest cousin, she is 13...and is one of the coolest kids that you will ever meet...but her parents dont know her...they think they do like most parents think that they know their kids, but they dont know her or her brother....I know them better than they do and I have only been here for 3 weeks.... I am beginning to see a problem with this...arent you....???? Erin she is an agnostic....and I am cool with that...we spent a lot of time talking about that tonight...along with all of her and my emotional issues. If it werent for them, I think that I would have packed my things and said the hell with this I am going home...because I didnt come all the way to Tennessee just to deal with another family that is hanging on by a thread.... Michael on the other hand just got saved this summer...but hasnt grown really....

I guess that God brought me here to help these kids see the brighter side of things, since I have been through this already and I have been able to escape...I dont know...all I do know is that I really need for him to rescue me from this....I dont know if I will be able to live through another nightmare....that people tend to call life...my body and emotions cant take much more...I think that I am literally hanging on by a thread here...God I need you to come to my rescue because I have no where else to turn....

I believe that I am beginning to become quite confused....yet again....

hhmmmm its nothing new at this point....

<3